Rainy and Boring Saturday Night. Nothing on the Boob Tube. American Media isn’t Delivering. Let’s Go to the UK.

21 Apr

This story from the UK Daily Mail is still an American story because we, as a nation, have become so absurd, that we offer entertainment across the pond at no extra charge.

You’re welcome, Red Coats.  I know you’re laughing yourselves silly over the fact that we kicked your asses fair and square 230 years ago, but now our citizenry is going through societal insanity.


Isn’t this the way that Thomas Edison died? But did American Courts award his widow $200,000 due to his unfortunate death as a result of some electrically powered autoerotic fantasy?  I don’t remember that part.  Actually, I don’t know if Edison was married.  And I’m not looking it up.  And I don’t know how he died.  And I’m not looking that up either.

Enter one Paul Martin, 35, of Rochester, NY.  In December of 2008 he was accidentally electrocuted while decorating the Christmas tree while his wife and daughter were out doing some Christmas shopping attaching his junk to 120 Volts AC. 

Police documents show that Ms Martin found her husband lying face-down and half naked in the family’s basement, shortly before they were scheduled to have a festive family brunch with their young daughter.   She saw wires wrapped around his blue arms and turned him over, receiving a shock in the process.

Yes, I’m sure she did receive a shock.  And the brunch was kind of a downer, too, with Dad knocking out the breaker box bespoiling the family tradition of watching the 6004th showing of ‘A Christmas Story’.  Oh how I love the part when the Bumpasses dogs steal the turkey and when Ralphie has to wear the bunny pajamas. 

But enough of that for now.  I’m being serious here.

Our victim had special purple wires that matched his exploding purple blood vessels in a most complementary fashion.  Contrasting with his blue arms.  It was simply stunning.

Beware the seductress

Does someone smell chestnuts roasting on a open fire?  No.  That’s just Dad sparking up the old yule log.

The man was an electrical engineer.  He should have known not to mess with 120 Volts AC and should have gone with the much safer 240 Volt version.  I guess he was just being careless that day. 


But, in the end, justice was served by the 2nd Court of Appeals, who bought into the idea that a hobby or sport is just a hobby or sport, so recreationally attaching your wedding tackle to high voltage really can’t be distinguished from rock climbing and accidents can happen.

So, no way it was suicide…and therefore the insurance company pays up. 

Look for some extra verbiage in your next life insurance policy to the effect that attaching your genitalia to a power source greater than a 9 Volt battery intentionally….pretty much negates your life insurance policy.

Spoil sports.  A man has a right to light up his jewels for Christmas if he wants.  It’s in the Constitution.

If I were a betting man I would wager than there is one fewer Obama voter from New York this year.  If’n only Paul had taken the advice of the Administration and simply put jumper cables from his Chevy Volt to his naughty bits this whole sordid affair wouldn’t have happened.

Yeah.  I never skip the opportunity to tie deviancy and stupidity to Obama, Democrats and their idiot voters.  Sue me.  Chances are that if he’s from New York I’m right.  Just speculation, mind you.  It’s just a calculated guess.  People who attach their nutsacks to a power outlet don’t tend to be conservatives. 

Just sayin’.

1 Comment

Posted by on April 21, 2012 in politics


One response to “Rainy and Boring Saturday Night. Nothing on the Boob Tube. American Media isn’t Delivering. Let’s Go to the UK.

  1. John D'Oh

    April 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    I think there is some sort of Darwinian, subliminal message here!


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