D’oh vs. O

19 Feb

In my late night musings when the workweek is over and there is time to quietly sip on Blanton’s the mind begins to wander. Where it goes, you may not want to know. It can get scary. But tonight, I leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes, and in my mind I was in the White House interviewing the President. It went like this:

John D’Oh: Mr. President, thank you taking the time to speak with me.

President Obama: You are welcome, but be quick. I am busy transforming America.

JD: Mr. President that may a good topic to start with, the transformation of America. Do you really believe that the American people want that?

PO: Let me be clear. Once I explain it to them they will appreciate it, the same way they will appreciate health care reform once I explain it again.

JD: When you ran for President, you said you would cut the deficit in half, not turn us into Greece.

PO: When I became President I learned that Bush left us with a bigger mess than expected. Don’t blame me for Bush’s mess.

JD: But Mr. President, is that a reason for adding so much to the deficit with subsidies to failing companies and subsidies to state and local governments? That was not a stimulus that was simply the destruction of much needed capital.

PO: The Republicans have been smearing my agenda since I got elected. That is forcing me to bypass Congress to transform America whether Congress agrees or not.

JD: Doesn’t that strike you as contrary to the whole premise of self-government?

PO: That is a racist attitude.

JD: But Mr. President, don’t you consider the possibility that the American people do understand how you are trying to transform America and how health care reform will work and that they don’t like it precisely because they do understand it?

PO: If the rich pay more taxes things will be fair. The Republicans are shills for the rich.

JD: But Mr. President, your subsidies have gone to very affluent people, many of who were contributors or “bundlers” for your campaign. So who is really using government to benefit the rich?

PO: That is for the public good. Clean energy is the future of a transformed America.

JD: I see we are getting nowhere on that issue, let’s turn to health care. The Supreme Court will hear the case before the November election. Do you believe it will be upheld or overturned?

PO: I taught law at the University of Chicago. It will be upheld. I will use the SEIU thugs to intimidate the Supreme Court. Elena Kagan is there for a reason. She’ll deliver for me. Just wait for the Occupy the Court crowd to show up.

JD: One of you administration’s arguments is that the individual mandate is lawful under the Commerce Clause of the Constitution. However, that clause states that Congress shall have the power “To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes.” Since individuals are not foreign nations, states nor Indian tribes, isn’t that argument blatantly absurd?

PO: The individual mandate is a tax and Congress has the power to tax.

JD: However, during your campaign you repeatedly promised not to raise taxes on people below various income levels, the figure of $250,000 per year was commonly cited. If Obamacare is upheld people with incomes below $250,000 are subject to penalty.

PO: I can’t transform America if the Republicans continue to try and impose their values on America by voting against my legislation.

JD: Mr. President  your legislation has passed. Health Care reform passed and the stimulus passed. But you are very unpopular with the American people. Don’t you think that the American people realize that these policies failed and that the country needs less taxes, less regulation and less federal spending?

PO: They are too busy clinging to their guns and religion to realize that America needs to be transformed.

JD: Thank you, Mr. President.

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Posted by on February 19, 2012 in politics


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